Sup, I'm Νταρσυ. My loves in life are City and Colour, sleeping, eating, camping, snowmobiling, and being with friends and family.
There will come a time, you'll see, with no more fears, where love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
In a hail of sparks, and a tangle of wires, everything went wrong.
I guess I haven’t made a text post in a while, and 6:30am on a Wednesday just seems right. I’ve been home from Ghana for almost a month (tear) and I’m quite displeased to say I feel that I have fallen into old ways much more than I wanted to. I have changed for the better in some ways, like lightening my load by donating half of my clothes. But…I still have a lot of stuff. My biggest disappointment, however, is that I lost my voice (that i took 21 years to find). In Ghana I learned to speak up for myself- to make decisions. To not depend on others to do so for me. I already find myself taking the back seat in my own life in these past few weeks and I don’t like it. I need to change it. We’ll see. Besides that, I just find myself missing Ghana in general. I look at the pictures and think to myself, “Wow. Was I really there? Did I really do that? That’s amazing.” The whole experience seems so surreal now. I wish I could just feel how I felt there again. I was so confident in myself, and so adventurous. Ugh. Who knew it would be this hard to get back into my life here.
I guess I haven’t written anything serious that delves into how my life is going and how I really feel lately. I’ve been trying to pinpoint the reason why, and I think I’ve finally got it down. This whole summer has felt like a fog, I suppose. I’ve been doing a lot of fun and incredible stuff, but in retrospect, I find it super hard to connect to anything I’ve done. I have had fun: a lot of laughs and smiles, but when I go to think back on them for a chuckle or some comfort, I feel nothing. I think I’ve said this before, but it feels like I am living my life in a plastic bag. I can see all the fun and awesome things that are going on in my life, and I can be present for them and sort of enjoy them, but the good feelings from all of this can’t permeate the plastic and then I’m just left there feeling nothing…disappointed, if anything at all, I suppose.
So, yesterday, I had to work under this new guy who I have never met before who was shift leader because the afternoon manager just recently quit. This guy is the same age as me, and it was nice to work with him and everything because he really doesn’t give a fuck and he didn’t boss me around or tell me to do anything. BUT, he had the WORST manners of anyone I have ever met in my life. He called me a bitch, to my face, multiple times. I mean, it was all in good fun, but I just feel like that is crossing the line slightly, no?
Our wireless internet is down (AGAIN) so I have been banished to the desktop computer. This is the computer on which my dad has decided it would be a smart call to DELETE FIREFOX. I mean, it’s bad enough that he doesnt like Chrome, but at least he had the sense to use Firefox. I came down here, grudgingly, because I had a lot of shit I felt like complaining to the world about on tumblr, but when I searched the desktop which is riddled with unneccessary “spyware detectors” and “virus busters” that my dad has downloaded, Firefox was nowhere to be seen. I asked him about it and he said it was “giving him problems.” Yes dad, I’m sure Firefox is to blame for all of these issues. You’re right, Internet Explorer is the ALPHA BROWSER!!
So you can probably tell I’m in the greatest mood ever when fucking internet browsers piss me off this much. I am so irritated with being home. I always try to convince myself that for once, I am going to go downstairs and hang with the family. But, every single time, within five minutes, someone does something that makes me realize why I was leary about leaving my room to head downstairs in the first place. I am just not used to having to get along with my family while living in the same house as them. Of course, I love them, but I am just not feeling this whole staying with them for three weeks. My dad actually got mad at me earlier, because I said I didn’t want any leftover spaghetti. Sorry, I am sick of eating other people’s leftover food!!! Last night, they actually made me eat my mom’s leftovers that she couldn’t finish from when my family went out to dinner yesterday while I was at work. Thanks guys, I enjoy people’s seconds. Anyways, the point is, I am irritated with being here and wish I hadn’t been given the day off today. I would much rather be at work.
I think that makes me a grown-up or something, right?
It looks so nice down here :)
I have to give a presentation tomorrow in history. I’m doing it on the golden age of comics, since it goes along perfectly with WWII. I feel like people are going to judge me for that, but I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being into comics. I have never read a comic in my entire life, and I don’t really plan to, but people are gonna be like, oh. she’s one of those people.
Actually, I think I’m just being paranoid.
I don’t want to give the presentation.
I hate public speaking.
I only like being in front of groups of people when the people are all kids.
I guess I’ll go shower and go to bed. It is almost 2am, after all. I figure I’ll try to get to bed early. This whole staying up til 4am every single night thing is starting to take a toll on me.
It was a nice way to end a terrible school-day. I failed my econ test (but seriously, let’s not talk about it…ugh). I went out with a bunch of co-workers and it was actually fun. :) They are such nice people, I wish I could become legitimately close friends with one of them…does that sound creepy? I don’t mean in a creepy way, I just want a real, legitimate friend, besides the two I have that I live with, a know what I mean?
my roomie gave me haircut and did my eyebrows tonight, she is the best roommate ever <3 I picked up a part of a shift at work tonight, and it was really fun. everyone who works during the week is so nice and so fun. i don’t get why weekend people are so quiet and not fun at all. now, i have a ridiculous amount of crap on my plate and i am just too exhausted to care. i just don’t get why this semester is so hard for me. every time it seems like i barely make it to a deadline and get things turned in, 10 new projects or assignments are thrown at me.
i am stressing myself to death about everything. my thumb has been twitching uncontrollably on and off for about a week now, and it seriously has me a little concerned. that can’t be healthy, can it?
wasn’t so bad. I got a latte with an extra shot and it was pure heaven in liquid form, plus it helped me out a little bit since I stayed up til 5:30am yesterday. I was the last person in my class to finish my midterm, but I don’t really care. I painted my nails, which I’ve been meaning to do for two weeks, and work was actually enjoyable. I got a free sandwich again, so I had a focaccia roll with grilled chicken and it was absolutely delicious. Then, I came home and finished my art project and took a shower. Now, all I have to do is finish my discussion board post for art and then sleep.
There ya go, a pointless recap of my day in case anyone cares :)